Du kan vara min äppelkaka Henrik

Somehow, I had forgotten this little gem until I happened across it when looking for videos for the last post. This combines two of my favorite things, Henrik Lundqvist's pretty face and Martha Stewart in all her uptight glory.

I really can't put my finger on my favorite part. The audiences reaction once they realize what Lundqvist looks like, the awkward small talk, Martha being Martha, it's all so amazing.

Happy Valentines Day!

I think today is the perfect day to make my triumphant return to the world of blogging about how yumtastic goalies can be.

I also think the best way to make my triumphant return is to present all you lovely ladies with some delightful videos of goalies doing what they do best: getting hearts pumping before the game has even started.



I have no idea what I would do if the only thing separating me from a stretching goalie was some plexiglass and maybe half a foot.







Of course, I've saved the best for last.



I swear, Henrik Lundqvist could talk about the stock market and I would still be mesmerized.

YouTube Tuesday

The best way to prepare for tomorrow is a pre-hump day warm-up. I have to admit, I'm a little saddened by the lack of flashy stretching going on in Lightning prospect Pat Nagle's warm-up. Luckily, his play lately has redeemed him.



On a slightly related note- It's almost time for my local arena to be invaded by yummy barely legal college goalies. Unfortunately, I will not be witness to Connor Knapp's backbend. I've cried a little about that to be honest. I'm consoling myself with the promise of fresh... uh... talent.

YouTube Tuesday: La Fleur de Mon Cœur

We've done posts on Marc-Andre Fleury before, but let's be honest, he's just too fantastic to only do one post on him. On top of him being awesome, is my excitement at getting to see him when I make the haul up to Tampa Thursday to see him. SQUEEEEE!



Consider this a warm-up for hump day people. Tomorrow I have a post on the newest target of my goalie love and he is pure adorkable.

Almost There...

So far, we've managed to add two new contributors to our roster here at G5H. I'm pumped that we'll be able to bring you lovely stretchy goalies more often. Until we get our new goalie lovin' ladies up and running, please enjoy this video @icebaby20 was kind enough to tweet a link to earlier today.



As I said to my cat (good lord that makes me sound like a crazy cat lady), I have no clue what he's saying, but he can babble away in Finnish as much as he wants.

RAWR.

 I'm pretty sure if it all came down to deciding between a Finnish goalie of my own to... uh... cuddle (because that's what we'd all do with our own Finnish goalie, amiright?), or never eating peanut butter cups again, I would have a new ginger, bendy man, that I couldn't understand in my life.

Hello?

Well, it turns out we're the worst bloggers on Earth. The good news is, I've come up with a brilliant idea! We need more writers on this blog! I figure with more people we'll have a better chance of reducing the slacking and actually getting you guys a regular serving of yummy goalie.

So, how do you get in on this? Simple, shoot an email off to SwampHockey@gmail.com. If it's in English and there are no typos you're in. If you can geta  post up every other week at the very least I'll be happy. My main goal is to keep this blog going.

Think about it, you too can write barely subtle double entendres about goalies like our lovely friend Jonathan Quick.



Good lord. He's so fabulous I can't think of anything clever to say.

Um... anyway... yeah, shoot me a line if you think you can handle staring at picture and videos of goalies all day.

Hey There!

Well, looks like we're back.

As a way of apologizing for neglecting all of you I will share this video.Because lets be honest, sometimes videos do goalies much more justice than a photo can.



Oh yes they do.

That lovely fellow is Shane Owen by the way. I have the materials for a full length post somewhere around here. I just have to find the words that can capture his awesomeness.

What's Not to Love?

I've admitted my love for minor league journeymen before. One of my favorites? Todd Ford. Seriously, check out his stats. Dude has been around more than a puck bunny with daddy issues (oooooh, too far?).



I've been watching him come through for a couple of seasons now and I have to say he nice to watch. Aside from really filling up the crease...



mmmmmmmm...biggoalie...mmmmmmmm....





... uh, yeah... where was I? Oh, yeah, dude fills up the crease. Right. Uh, he also has some bad ass tatste in music if his mask is any indication.



I just can't help but adore a man who appreciates Johnny Cash.



Add to that his penchant for coming out of the crease and its true goalie-love.



I don't think there is really anything left to say, so, I will leave you with this hilarious video of Ford and his Stingray teammates taking on a local Boys and Girls club in a rousing game of dodgeball.

Why, Hello...

Ladies and gentlemen, it's hump day. Is there a better way to celebrate than a bendy goalie?

(I'd turn down the volume on your computer first)


I don't think so.

YouTube Gold

Over at my other blog, I post a video every Tuesday. While digging around for the perfect video I came across this one. I knew it was perfect for you guys.

How You Doin?

I have no idea why I love when goalies squirt themselves with water.



Actually, that's a lie I know exactly why.



That's Black Hawks prospect Joe Palmer by the way. He's currently playing for the Toledo Walleye of the ECHL. As you can see from this interview he did last year he's a pretty hard working guy. He's also a good guy at heart, taking time off of his busy schedule to help hand out coats to the homeless.



And we just can't forget that he's also kind enough to preform a very important service to all the female hockey fans that go to his games.



Sigh. Yes. He. Does.

Hei siellä

I don't know about you, but I can't ever get enough Finnish goalies in my life. Thanks to Hockey Broad, we get to giggle about another today.





Aside from being, as they say in Finnish quite herkullinen (delicious), he's also got the second best GAA and Save %. How can you not love him?








Seriously, How can you not love him?





I'm also going to point you to his Wikipedia page. Someone had the brilliant idea to post a little goalie porn over there. Bwahaha! We're spreading!

Tall, Dark, and Bendy

There's something very interesting about goalies who wear dark pads, isn't there?

 This enigmatic fellow is Dov Grumet-Morris. He's kind of an intense looking dude.

Did I mention he's dominating the ECHL right now? He leads GAA, Save %, and has backstopped his team to the top of the league.

Of course, this is all par for the course for him. His stats are proof of that.

Seriously, the only bad thing about him? Boring warm-up.

The Cure for a Bad Day

So, work was bat shit crazy, my NHL teams have been slumping, my ECHL team was swept in their series with the fourth worst team in the division, and my Visa bill is due Monday.

Calling this week crappy is a huge understatement.

Luckily, I know what can be done to make everything better...










That's Lightning prospect Jaroslav Janus by the way. He's pretty spectacular right? It gets better...





Yup. He's all kinds of awesome. How can you be sad when he's so... delightful?

Two for One

Have I got a deal for you today! Two delicious goalies for the price of one.

First up, Richard Bachman of the Texas Stars.

This fourth round pick of the Dallas Stars in the 2006, has been having quite a year. He had a few minutes of NHL time, and is currently 7th in the AHL's top goalie standings. You can see the rest of his stats here.

Next up is Wild prospect and current Houston Aero, Matt hackett.

 

The third round pick has been putting up some nice numbers for the Aeros, as you can see from his stats. He also looks pretty good in this video of him denying some kid named Taylor Hall.

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He's a pretty scrappy guy too...

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You know what? Since I like you guys so much, I'll throw in this old school goalie porn as a free bonus gift. I'm going to quote Ross, who sent in all these pictures, because I really can't put it any better than him.

"Oh, and I included a scan of NHL color commentator and current St. Louis Blues president John Davidson's 1978 Topps Hockey Card.  Maybe the sluttiest, most obscene five-hole ever photographed."

 I think you're right Ross. Oh so right.

Make sure you check back later, I've got another post in the works.

Pocket Goalie

Ladies and gentlemen I'd like to introduce you to the newest fad in goalies...

That teeny tiny, amazingly flexible goalie is Jeff Lerg. Currently playing for the Trenton Devils in the ECHL. He's listed at 5'6'', but I'm pretty sure that measurement was taken while he stood on his tiptoes wearing skates.

Have I mentioned that he has one of the best warm-ups I've ever seen?

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And I can't forget his fondness for foxy saves...

We've got a big surprise planned for tomorrow! You won't regret checking back.